Friday, March 30, 2007

Hammer Time

When I was thirteen I saw MC Hammer wandering around the Calgary airport wearing what appeared to be beige leather onesie pajamas and a gigantic gold and diamond choker necklace. It was the end of the eighties and I guess that was what passed for bling in those days. I couldn't stop laughing. Even when he and his lone body guard stared me down.


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Maybe Robert Palmer Was Right

Might as well face it. You're addicted to love.

Everyone loves love. Right? Am I wrong? I mean, you've got to love it. Its great! All those warm fuzzy feelings, all those endless hours thinking of sexy-time, the long passionate kisses, the drunken PDA... sigh.

Oh wait. Is that love? Or is it mating season?

If someone can say that they love a chip flavour, why can't they say that they love someone they just met? I guess its more complicated than that to some people. I prefer to go the route of falling in love right off the bat and then having the object of my desires prove me wrong. Its easier that way. Or harder. Whatever.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Why do people like who they like?
Birds of a feather flock together.
Its easier to stay with your own kind. Its just a natural instinct.

When someone is interested in another, they tend to mirror that persons manerisms. I guess its a signal that lets the reciever know, "hey. we're the same, you and me. i'm just like you. i even fold my arms the same way. we can be friends."

But what happens when the person you're interested in is crazy? Does that in turn force you to unintentionally become crazy in a subconscious act of mirroring? What if that person was hiding the fact that they were insane until it was too late and now you're hooked? Do you follow them down the yellow brick road? I mean, you were probably already headed there anyway... you might just get there sooner than expected.

I think these types of relationships can work if the crazy is excused as eccentricities. Thats a much more tolerable package. Its easy to overlook the occasional quirk or twitch for the sake of genius. Yes. Its our immense talents that make us seem a little off (by regular standards). Once this is established its easy to make the perverbial leap off the deep end.

Eccentrics famously get along with no one, but a select few, and only some of the time.
This is part of their charm.
Accept it, become it.

Friday, March 9, 2007

My Precioussss

Yes, well, um, I've been having some issues with stress lately. Everything, even the smallest little thing, seems to set me off. I'm obsessed with doing everything myself. I stay late to merchandise at work, and I work at home on my days off, and my caffeine intake has skyrocketed, and I'm getting older and that means that my face is getting skinny and weird... But you see, its all in my grand scheme to one day transform into Gollum. He was once a regular old Hobbit, but he got stressed out over his obsession with the ring and it caused him to turn into that creepy swamp-thing. This photo is proof of my transformation. It has begun.

my preciousssssss

Exhibit A: The other morning I woke up and the fridge was kinda warm, so I started freaking out because we just went grocery shopping and I didn't want to come home to stinky rotten eggs and dairy products... so I shoved them all in the freezer and cranked the cold! I went to work and forgot about it for a while. Of course, then I started thinking that S was going to spill the eggs and milk out of the freezer and all over the floor when he got home from work. That meant that I'd have to clean it up when I got home 4 hours later because he would not do a good job! So I wanted to call him, but I couldn't because it was too early in the day and he'd forget. I had to wait until 4:30 or 5:00. I managed to forget again and at 7:30 S called me and I told him about the milk and eggs. He said that he found them and they were frozen.
When I got home at 10:00 I was upset because my milk was solid and I had to defrost it, and some of the eggs expanded and cracked. S said "I think we can all learn a lesson here..." and I cut him off exclaiming in my defense, "well! I was freaking out! I didn't want to come home to a fridge full of rotten food! aaaaaaaaagggggggghrrrr"
Then S looked at me and said:
"Do you know what I was going to say?"
"I was going to say that the lesson is not to freak out."

Thursday, March 8, 2007


Wencil and Penelope are twins. They have skinny arms and legs, and big lollipop heads with huge sparkling eyes like their parents. Penelope is a whinger. She complains about everything, although she is very happy. She is very much her mother's daughter. Wencil is a mute, much like his father used to be (although no one would know this about him now).

Even though Wencil and Penelope take the time each day to dress in their vintage finest, they are not appreciated at school for their fashion saavy. All the children make fun of them for having ancient clothes. So, at the ripe age of seven, Wencil and Penelope take up drinking. This, of course, makes them popular with the older children. Kid's their own age just dont understand.

Wencil and Penelope host cocktail parties in the playhouse at recess. They serve martinis stirred; not shaken, and play Sinatra for their guests. The older kids don't quite understand the significance of the cocktail music or the importance of stirring over shaking, but they oblige the youngsters. Afterall, they are the ones with the booze.